Life-Giving Friendships

The term “friendship” is rather general. I think when we talk about friends in conversation, it doesn’t always paint the most descriptive picture. I think this is why whenever we want to communicate the nature of a relationship, we have with someone, we say things like “my good friend”, “my friend I grew up with”, “my best friend”, “my work friend”, or “my friend that’s more like a brother.”

At the end of the day, I think what we all mean by “friend” is someone you enjoy voluntarily spending time with. That definition is fitting for our common vernacular, but what does the Bible say about friendship? How do your friendships measure up to that standard? How do you measure up to being a good friend?

What does the Bible say about friendship? A good friendship is one that is founded on God’s Word and invites biblical influence, and ultimately, points to Jesus as the ultimate example of a loving friend. When it comes to instances of friendship in the Bible, my mind immediately goes to the example we have of David and Jonathan. One of the unique things about David and Jonathan’s friendship is that on paper, they shouldn’t have become friends. David and Saul were enemies because David was chosen to take the throne from Saul, rather than Jonathan inheriting the throne. I want to take a look at their friendship because it is one founded on God.

At the start of their friendship, Jonathan removes his armor and his weapons and gives them to David. Not only was he sacrificing his own possessions, but this action also symbolized Jonathan yielding to David, and ultimately to God, in seeing God’s anointing on David.

We also see that David and Jonathan formed a covenant between each other. Also at the start of their friendship, in 1 Samuel 18:3, we see, “Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.” Which reminds me of how Jesus summarizes the Old Testament Law; in Matthew 22:37-39, “37 And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” … “You shall love your neighbor as yourself…” and how does the Bible describe David and Jonathan’s love for each other? “…Loved him as his own soul.” David and Jonathan’s friendship was based on the God’s Law.

This covenant made between David and Jonathan becomes even more important later as King Saul attempts to hunt David down and kill him. Rather than siding with his own father, Jonathan helps David escape. Even after Jonathan’s death, David takes Jonathan’s son in as his own. All of this was because David and Jonathan’s friendship had a foundation on God’s Word – Jonathan sided with David because he recognized God’s plan, and their friendship was one built on God’s expectation to love others as yourself.

God has blessed us with various kinds of relationships, but our relationships are also a responsibility. Consider how Psalm 1 speaks of the influence and counsel of those around you. The blessed man or woman is one who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, but instead delights in the Law of the Lord. I think that’s exactly what David and Jonathan did. If we are going to have friendships with others, we need to heed the warning we see here in this Psalm. If our delight is going to be in the Law of the Lord, if we are to be like, “…A tree planted by streams of water yielded fruit…” our friendships better point us towards the Lord – not towards wickedness and sin.

Aside from David and Jonathan, one of the other Biblical examples that comes to mind is a negative example. When King Rehoboam (the grandson of David) took the throne in Israel, he needed to win the approval of the people who were angry with the state of the country. We see him seek counsel in 1 Kings 12:6-11. Rehoboam goes to some wise advisors who give him some godly advice – love the people sacrificially. He doesn’t like this advice, and he turns to his friends instead who give him terrible advice. Rather than use his power for good, Rehoboam is convinced him to use his power for personal gain and satisfaction. Here are two things to consider with Rehoboam’s example: 1) the people you invite into your life have influence in your life 2) good friends will speak biblical truth into your life, even if it’s hard.

The people you invite into your life have influence in your life. Have you ever noticed yourself starting to speak like some of your friends? Maybe you pick up on a harmless exclamation, or you begin greeting them differently than you would others. Naturally, we take on different mannerisms, speech patterns, and the vocabulary of the people we spend time with. Our habits, routines, and actions are influenced, for better or for worse, by those around us. When you think of your friends, do you think of people who are pointing you towards biblical, Christlike behavior? Or do you think of people who point you towards sin or even apathy towards the things God has called you to.

These things apply to you as well. So, when you think, “Do my friends point me towards God?”, you can also think, “Am I pointing my friends towards God?” This is important especially as you consider friendships with those who aren’t Christians. I definitely am not advocating for you to break off any friendships you have with unbelievers, instead, consider – who is influencing who? Are you actively doing what you can to share your Savior with your lost friends? Are you living your life in such a way that your friends know you are different because the Holy Spirit is dwelling instead of you? Do they even let you talk about Jesus? Or, do they get annoyed and push you away if you mention the one thing that actually brings you fulfillment and joy in your life?

Good friends will speak biblical truth into your life, even if it’s hard. Do you have friends that are speaking truth into your life? Again, the question can be flipped – are you someone who is speaking biblical truth into your friends’ lives? This can be tough. Being around friends is usually fun because you enjoy each other’s company, and it’s relaxing because friends are often comfortable around each other. So, when it comes time to have to talk through something difficult, your inclination may be to not rock the boat.

But what a great opportunity we have to utilize our friendships for the glory of God – to help each other be more Christlike today than we were yesterday. This takes two things – 1) You have to know biblical truth to speak it and 2) You have to be open to hearing biblical truth from your friends. This means when you sit down and study the Bible on your own, you aren’t just doing it for your own benefit, God can and will use your knowledge of the Bible for those you love as well. But you have to open the Bible, read it, delight in it.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Do you have a friendship in which you and your friend are sharpening each other? Have you invited this type of influence in your life? Have you told your friends something like, “I want you to hold me accountable to what the Bible has called us to do, and I will do the same thing for you.”?

A good friendship is founded on God’s Word, and a good friend influences towards godliness by their actions and by speaking biblical truth. What does Jesus teach about friendship? Take a look at John 15:12-17:

12 "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

14 You are my friends if you do what I command you.

15 No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.

16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.

17 These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

Jesus is the example to follow when it comes to being a good friend. Look at verse 13, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” Jesus died on the cross for us because He loves us. When we truly love our friends sacrificially, we are showing a glimpse of what Christ has done for us. How amazing is that?

There’s so much more to unpack in that passage, but one thing that really stands out is the fact that Jesus calls his disciples friends. It’s hard to grasp how crazy that is – the God of the universe, the One who created the sun, moon, stars, and every single human being. The one who spoke every single thing into existence, calls the disciples his friend. Why? Because they followed Him.

Ultimately, when we think about the foundation our relationships are meant to have on the Bible, the influence our friends have in our lives and vice versa, and looking to Jesus as the example, as Christians, we should be thinking of our new lives in Christ. Our friendships are meant to be life-giving, speaking life into our renewed souls. This goes beyond your spiritual wellbeing. A good friend who loves sacrificially will be there in times of trouble and times of need, listening to you, helping bear your burdens. Why? Because that is what the Word of God gives us to do – to love one another.

It can be easy to get caught up in the routine day-to-day of our individual lives. To either get stuck with no one by your side, or very few. This is the beauty of the church, we have so many opportunities to connect with our brothers and sisters in Christ, those with whom we have the most important thing in common – the fact that we serve the same God.

One of our values at King’s Hill is “Community over Cliques.” Cliques establish boundaries, remain insular, and often have their foundation on something other than the Word. When we think of community, however, it is welcoming, hospitable, and based on God’s love; it is life-giving. While not the only source of godly community and friendships, we seek to provide this in our Life Groups. The sole focus of these groups is fellowship, prayer, and the Bible. If you don’t have any godly friendships, have only a few, desiring deeper friendships, or merely looking for more of them, joining a Life Group is a great place to start and to grow.

Friendship won’t come from nothing. It takes time and effort to build relationships, and the best way to build them is in the church. Gather on Sundays, join a Life Group, find ways to serve shoulder-to-shoulder with your brothers and sisters, show up for those God has placed in your life. It is amazing what God can and will do through His people working together and loving each other the way He loves us.