Because of his confidence in God’s sovereignty, William Cooper, a well-known English poet and hymn writer in the 1700’s, wrote, “Behind a frowning providence He hides a smiling face.” This means as we navigate through life, the sun will eventually break through from the clouds of setbacks and hardships and disappointments we experience. They don’t get the last word. It’s in his frowning providence that God is working in us to make us more like his Son. After all, can we expect the command to carry our cross to come without suffering? It’s in his frowning providence that God is working behind the scenes in ways we cannot fully understand. So, we have a choice to make. Will we look at our present circumstances, despite how terrible they may seem or feel, and proclaim the misery we’re in or God’s grace at work? The same is true for the past. What we will talk about as we look back in the rear-view mirror?

Yesterday in staff, we talked about the new space God is allowing us to use over the next couple of months. Nice carpets, a shiny chandelier, a storage room for our equipment, and a space large enough to seat our entire church. We are grateful for his favor. I shared how our first year as a church we had to meet in the evenings. I added at the end, “It was miserable.” Quite the opposite of what we’re experiencing now: mice running up and down the aisles in the school auditorium we gathered in, setting up and tearing down our equipment in dark, freezing cold temperatures, hitching up a trailer every week to bring into the city, and enduring hot summer evenings without any A.C. Our newest staff member said in what seemed to be less of a rebuking manner and more of an observational manner,  “I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned meeting in the evenings without saying that it was miserable.” 

She was right. For the reasons I just mentioned, I was looking back at the past without gratitude. I had forgotten Cooper’s words. Yes, that season was hard and not one I would have chosen for myself. But who’s to say there won’t be a harder one in the near future? Does ease of season dictate God’s favor? If Christlikeness is the goal of my life, shouldn’t I welcome whatever God has decided to send my way to accomplish this? Is it not true that, according to Paul in Romans 8:28, “all things work together for the good of those who love God”? Even in the misery God allows, there is always grace to see. Had I forgotten that his smile was behind this bitter providence? His faithfulness never wanes. His care for us never takes a break. His working in us never stops until we are perfected in heaven, and even there, he never stops working for us. 

It’s no coincidence that I recently finished reading through the book of Ruth. Naomi looks to the loss of her husband and her children and the famine she experiences. Returning to Judah, she no longer wants to be called Naomi; rather, she demands people call her Mara (Ruth 1:20). Why? Because the Lord has turned against her she says. The Almighty has made her life very bitter (Ruth 1:20). And yet, God’s grace was right beside her in the form of her daughter-in-law, Ruth. She had stayed loyal to Naomi declaring, “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried” (Ruth 1:16-17). Sadly, in chapter 1, Naomi didn’t have the eyes to see it. But God’s grace had also gone before her. Though Naomi had no idea how God was working behind the scenes, the end of the book tells us that the Messiah would come through Naomi’s family line. With God’s grace out in front of her and beside her, we can be sure that the ordering of Naomi’s life story from her past leading up to the present was also filled with grace.

As we narrate the events and circumstances of our lives, what will we emphasize? Will we testify to our victimhood or misery? Or will we have the eyes to see God’s grace--even in the bitter season--at work in our lives and tell of his kindness and goodness? 

If you were part of our church during that year we gathered in the evenings, forgive me if I failed to point you to God’s grace during that season. No longer will I say of 2019, “It was miserable.” I will say, “It was a bitterly sweet season that God sustained us in. I’m thankful for it because of what he did in me and in our church.”

I kept saying “It was miserable” because I had not looked close enough at God’s grace at work. So, last night, I journaled how his hand was so evidently guiding us during this bitter season. There were indeed many moments God was allowing the sun to break through the clouds. Here’s a short list:

• Our 1st baptisms as a church came during these evening services.

• God unified a team to love and serve the neighborhood of Mission Hill. As we served together ‘shoulder to shoulder’ (a phrase that came alive then), God was building the DNA of a missional church.

• God was forming in me Christ-like virtues like perseverance and steadfastness. These don’t come out without testing. They come when you come to the end of yourself and learn to trust daily in him as the source of your strength. Runners who rely on their own strength, wisdom, giftedness, and grit will eventually burn out. He saved me from this then. God showed me that on every desert path he may place you,, he also provides a well to drink from.

• In addition to perseverance and steadfastness, God wanted to foster in me contentment. Church growth felt impossible. The odds felt against us. My expectations and hopes were slowly being shattered. I was being brought low. But notice what Paul writes in Philippians about this very thing, “I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:12-13). Paul’s contentment had to be learned. It wasn’t automatic. And this contentment came by a secret. What was this secret? That God would supply all of his needs and the church’s at Philippi according to the riches of his grace (4:19). As hard as it was to lay down my timeline and plans, I found contentment came from yielding to his will and trusting in his provision. I suppose God would have taught me this secret at some point, but I’m glad he saw it fitting to do it then. I think it was good preparation for 2020.

• Little did I know that soon after we moved from the Tobin School, COVID would hit and our church wouldn’t be able to gather in person for several months. But memories of having our church all together brought me back to the school. Memories of my oldest daughter arriving early for church, running to the front of the auditorium while our worship leader practiced, and dancing with joy while I watched again brought me back to the school. I thank God for the school that created memories I could treasure until we returned to in person services and my daughter could once again dance in the “sanctuary.” These memories allowed me to look back not with disdain but with fondness and gratitude.

• It’s amazing we had a place to even meet at all. We were suddenly moved from our own location in the mornings to this school in the evenings. But God parted the seas it seemed to give us this space. As quickly as we had to depart, God opened up this door. And with this new space came new faces—people we now love and serve alongside, disciple-makers that have a heart for Jesus and his kingdom.

I share these with you, because as bitter as our seasons may seem, eyes confident of God’s faithfulness and eyes fixed on God’s character will always find grace at work. I know there are more bullet points to add to this list that I’m just missing. John Piper often says, “God is doing 10,000 things at once in our lives, and we might be aware of three of them.” The point is this: as we look at our lives--the setbacks, the difficulties, and the challenges, let us choose not to see misery but grace.