In the Western world, self-denial is almost a curse word. We are told to achieve all we can, to follow our dreams no matter where they take us or who we leave behind. What’s most important is blossoming into all we are destined to be. This is self-actualization, and it’s packaged with the title, ‘American Dream.” How does this jive with how Jesus described his mission in Mark 10:45, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” or how he describes discipleship in Mark 8:34, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many”?

I’ll tell you this: the mindset, the actions, and the posture of a servant, which is the role Jesus played, likely won’t lead to achieving the American Dream. In an assertive, self-promoting, “whatever it takes” to get ahead culture, your allegiance to Jesus will be tested. Success in our culture is characterized by the amount of money in our savings, our net worth, the number of followers our instagram profiles have, the position we hold, the the degree we’ve earned, the kind of car we drive or house we live in, and the freedom to express ourselves how we see fit. Then, we’ve made it. 

The Road of Calvary that Jesus walked with his cross is a totally different path than the one we’re told to walk. But let me be specific: who’s telling us to walk this path? Sometimes it’s our parents, sometimes it’s our culture, but understand, the majority of the time--it’s our own carnal, deceived desires (Eph. 4:22, James 4:1). Unless God gets ahold of our lives, the voices of our desires and the voices of our culture sound very attractive. It’s a path we choose for ourselves with goals we’ve created.

But here’s the way of the kingdom: Jesus hands you a cross and you decide to carry it. You see him as the Servant who put your forgiveness over his comfort, your salvation over his life, your experience of God’s love in exchange for his experience of God’s wrath. You see the path he walked to see you freed and adopted, and you take on the servant mindset he had in hopes that your life would open up eyes to the beauty of God’s mercy and grace found in the face of Jesus. You cannot choose the path of self-actualization and make Jesus look great. Self-actualization is the path that makes self look great. Understand that. 

How do we pursue the path of self-denial? By the Spirit’s help, we say ‘no’ to anything that puts us at odds with God’s agenda and his will. By God’s help, we refuse to give in to sinful impulses within us. By God’s power, we reject worldly temptations that come from around us. We kill the urge and silence the cry that rises from our indwelling sin telling us to revolt against God’s Word and to follow the world and the promises of comfort, power, and pleasures it offers.

One objection people might say to this self-denial talk is this, “You’re hindering me from being the best possible version of myself.” And Jesus would say, “No, self-denial indeed is the way to experience the best version of yourself.” Imagine in my marriage, I fight to get my way. I make many demands on my wife, assert my preferences and desires, and tell her how it’s going to be. I’m the one inflated in the marriage. If one person is going to have the spotlight, it’s me. Does this make me more or less selfish? But when I make my life about God and I deny these sinful impulses and I play the role of a servant in my marriage, I become more loving and more patient and more kind. Self-denial leads me to Christ-likeness and when I change to look more and more like Christ, I’m growing into the best version of myself. I’m being grafted into the renewed humanity that Jesus established.

The great paradox of the Christian life is that I deny myself to truly find myself. You can hear this in Jesus’ words right after he tells his disciples to pick up their cross in Mark 8:34. in Mark 8:35, Jesus continues, “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it.”