How Do I Put God First In My Decisions?
I love pastoring in the city of Boston. One reason is because we often meet people at a crossroads in their life. They have significant upcoming decisions and we want to help them think about what it looks like to put kingdom over self, what it could look like to serve in places of Gospel scarcity over places with Gospel abundance, to truly ponder their next move with God’s glory, eternal souls, and the commission Jesus has given us to make disciples. After all, we are told by Jesus:
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be
added to you. (Matthew 6:33)
So, how do we do that? How do we put God first in our decisions? With that question in mind, I want to offer up a dashboard for decision-making. I have been greatly impacted by Aimee Joseph’s book, Demystifying Decision Making, so I’m going to extend some of her thoughts here while adding some of my own. We are going to parallel decision making to driving a car. When you get in a car, there is a dashboard one must check. It tells you if there is any cause of concern. For example, the dashboard tells you if you’re low on gas or if your tire needs pressure. But there are also basic protocols you work through. These examples include checking your mirror, ensuring the wipers work, and putting on your seatbelt.
What might these gauges be? What might our protocol be in making kingdom-minded decisions?
Gauges to Our Decision Dashboard
First, within our dashboard, we have our cultural gauge.
We are naive to think we are not, in many ways, a product of our own culture. Our thinking and feeling have profoundly been shaped by how we’ve been raised. Even in the idea of “I can be anything I want to be. I am free to be me” is a cultural value impressed upon the West. Aimee goes on to mention different types of cultural paradigms: guilt–innocence, shame-honor, and fear-power. In the guilt–innocence paradigm, there tends to be clear rules for right and wrong. Moral responsibility is linked to the individual. While there is great freedom within this paradigm, identity is derived from the individual which places a great deal of weight - sometimes even a paralyzing amount - on big decisions. It’s easy to become crippled with anxiety.
Then there’s the honor-shame cultural paradigm. If individual freedom is the currency from a guilt-innocence culture, obligation is the currency here. In these cultures, decisions are evaluated by asking, “Will this bring honor or shame to my family or group?” There are pros and cons to this paradigm. Negatively, a person might feel a great deal of tension if their passions or gifts lead them away from their family. Positively, familial and social bonds tend to be extremely strong. Finally, in the fear-power cultural paradigm, the unseen spiritual realms are more the focus than on truths or ethical standards. There is an awareness of the transcendent (a good thing) but dominant guiding factors become signs or omens at the cost of logic. Now, what’s important for us to remember is that this gauge is on every person’s dashboard. There is no right or wrong cultural paradigm. We’re simply saying that every person has them, and we should be aware how our personal paradigm both has fallen and redemptive qualities to them.
A second gauge is the idolatry gauge.
An idol is something we trust in or treasure more than God. It’s what we look to meet the deepest desires of our hearts. There are many. Let’s look below at a few examples:
Relationship Idolatry | I have meaning if a certain person is in love with me
Materialism Idolatry | I have meaning by a certain level of health, financial freedom, and nice possessions
Helping Idolatry | I have meaning by when others need me
Beauty | I have meaning if I feel or look beautiful
Why do we call these idols? Because in a sense, we look to people or things or appearances to “save” us instead of to God. If we fall into the trap of relationship idolatry, then having a person that loves us saves us from loneliness. If we are more prone to the helping idolatry, then a person that needs us saves us from uselessness.
But the problem goes beyond that. These are merely surface idols. There are deeper desires that drive us to these things or people. Let’s call them source idols. And there are four: control, approval, power, and comfort.
So let me illustrate how these idols are at play. Take the surface idol of materialism. Specifically, let’s look at money. While money can be a strong influence and pull on someone’s life, there is a greater source at the root. Consider the possibilities:
If comfort is the source, you say, “I will have meaning if I have a certain amount of money in the bank. I get a sense of restfulness when I think about what I’ll be able to buy and enjoy with it.
If approval is the source, you say, “I know others will respect and appreciate me if I have a good amount of money to spend on them and myself. Others will notice my success and/or what I own and think highly of me.
If control is the source, you say, “I won’t have as many problems if I always have enough money to deal with them. I feel self-sufficient and independent with the more money I have.
If power is the source, you say, “The status money brings will make me a person someone will want to seek out for counsel or advice. I will have more influence on others.
What’s the point in sharing this? The point is that when it comes to our decision-making, we must know our idols, because they have a profound impact on how we make decisions in everyday life. We must be in tune with the weakness and shortcomings of our own hearts and fight our idols at the root with Gospel promises if we’re ever going to make decisions with God’s kingdom in mind. Why? Because we want to make sure that in our decisions, God is the one winning and not our idols. We cannot serve both at the same time.
Before we get to the safety protocols, our third and final gauge is this: the desire gauge.
Pleasure and desire are not wrong in and of themselves. Emotions should not be dismissed as part of the decision-making process. On one hand, they are God-given and good, if under the influence of the Holy Spirit. On the other hand, we should be careful with the secular creed of “Follow Your Heart.” We should allow our emotions to be a part of the decision making process only to the degree they are sanctified desires–more on this in a moment.
Protocol for Kingdom Decision Making : 6 Checkmarks
So, inevitably, all of us have these three gauges regarding our decision dashboard. But practically, how do we know if we’re hanging on to the redemptive parts of our cultural upbringing and paradigms and not the fallen ones? How can we overcome the power of the idolatry gauge when it seems to be in high gear? How can we make sure the desires and emotions we’re feeling has God at the center and not self? How can we practically lean into making decisions that glorify God?
Aimee talks of making decisions like putting pieces of the puzzle together. She speaks of several pieces: passions, priorities, the people of God, providential circumstances, and the peace of the Holy Spirit. Now, to honor the alliteration, let me add the most important (which she also gives attention to), namely–the pages of Scripture.
In our decision dashboard, we need to let the pages of Scripture have overdrive power, and ultimately, complete control. Every culture will have aspects that can be redeemed, and at the same time, aspects which must be rejected. For example, the Bible affirms family and the command to honor your parents. In an honor-shame culture, often the deciding factor is this: “What does my family think?” But the Bible corrects this thinking because sometimes what God is calling us to do might not be what our parents would prefer or like. In a guilt-shame culture, autonomy and independence are driving influences. This is not bad, but the Bible corrects the thinking that decisions should be made in a vacuum. They should be done by consulting godly counsel. What’s the point? We have to let the pages of Scripture lead us to appreciate the strengths of our culture while confronting the faults of our own cultural biases.
The pages of Scripture also help me forsake my idols and sanctify my desires. They train my desires to follow God. Consider the words of Paul in 2 Timothy 3:16-17:
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God ]may be complete, equipped for every good work.
Say I adopt a puppy and I want to take him on a walk with me around the city. Am I putting him on a lease? Yes, you better believe it. Because as a puppy who hasn’t learned the instructions of his master, I can’t trust him yet to follow me. He’ll run right into the middle of the street. Before I give the puppy free rein, he first needs to mature and learn the Master’s voice. In other words, the puppy needs to be trained. So when it comes to our emotions and desires, God intends for them to be used in making decisions. We have to make sure, however, they’ve been trained, informed, and influenced by Scripture.
So, the corner piece so to speak as we think about what puzzle pieces to pull together as we aim to make God-first decisions is actually knowing what glorifies God revealed to us in the pages of Scripture. We cannot follow the will of God without knowing the Word of God.
Secondly in our decision-making protocol, we take inventory of our giftings and passions. God has uniquely made us with a purpose. I enjoyed playing sports growing up while my wife enjoyed playing instruments. One was not better than the other. God has made us with diverse interests, and this is a beautiful thing. His Spirit has bestowed us with diverse gifts. He has designed us with diverse passions. And it does us well to consider God’s craftsmanship of us when it comes to what we might feel led stepping into.
Thirdly, priorities is another protocol to check as we aim to make God-glorifying decisions. One way of pondering priorities is asking, “what are the critical roles in our lives this season?” For example, what’s important to me at 20 may not be all that important to me at age 40. At age 40, I may not want to or be able to attempt something that is physically demanding. Another example might include whether or not God has given me a family. The priority of being present with my family may trump a higher paying salary if it means less time with my spouse or if it means relocating, which could hurt my kids socially.\
An even more significant way of thinking of priorities is this, “Does this put the kingdom of God first?” Jesus tells us the purpose of life in John 15:4-5:
Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
At the end of the day, life is as simple as our ABC’s : abide, bear fruit, and conform to the image of Christ. What does it mean to bear fruit? Bearing fruit means that we grow in godliness. Bearing fruit means we love our brothers and sisters in need. Bearing fruit means we attempt great things for God knowing we have a glorious God who guides us. Bearing fruit means by the Holy Spirit’s power, I increase in the virtues of Christ–namely, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Bearing fruit means I pursue holy ambitions to serve others in love. That’s what Jesus means by bearing fruit. What might be some questions that help our lives align with his priorities? Here are a few to think about if you’re contemplating leaving or staying in your current context?
Will this decision put pressures and demands on you that hinder your availability to God and your faithfulness to his Word?
Will this decision be considered wise when your “vapor of a life” is over and you stand before God?
Does this decision open up the potential for greater Gospel impact?
How will this decision play a part in the growing of my holiness?
Say it’s a decision over a job, you might ask:
Will the environment of this job and its activities shape you or will you be able to shape it in ways that make much of Christ?What's the spiritual climate of the city from which you would move to for the job offer? Of the place you're currently at? How reached is it with the Gospel? If fairly reached, have you considered another location where there is greater Gospel need?
How are you choosing housing if you decide to move or stay? Is it close to the church you're going to be a member at? Are there good opportunities to interact with your neighbors?
Is your job open to you sharing your faith, to starting a Bible study, etc.?
If you’re mulling over entering into a relationship, you might ask:
Does this person have a willingness to do whatever the Lord asks, wherever he says to do, however he’d like it done?
Will she or he be a sparring partner, forever committed to sharpening you to grow in Christlikeness?
Does this person take the picture and roles of marriage presented in Ephesians 5 seriously?
Obviously, we could list a lot more. But the point is this : does my path have his priorities in mind?
Fourthly, our safety protocol for kingdom-minded decision making includes the people of God. We say a lot at King’s Hill that the people of God and the Word of God keep us close to God. God has deemed it so that his wisdom flows, yes from the fountain of Scripture, but also from his people that have the Holy Spirit inside of them. We need to have people in our lives that we can seek counsel from in times where we face big decisions. Let us not be an “update person” but rather a “feedback person.” What’s the difference? An update person goes to their mentor or someone they deem as godly and say, “I’ve decided to do this. Here’s an update on my life.” A feedback person, on the other hand, says, “Hey, this is what I’m thinking about. Am I missing anything? What do you think?”
Often, we have blind spots in our decision making process. There are idols within our hearts buried deep. We need mature, seasoned, Jesus-loving mentors and friends to inquire, probe, and even at times, challenge. God has given us a community as a safety net for our decisions. After all, we are told that there is safety in an abundance of counselors (Proverbs 11:14). I need people who know me (my weaknesses, my sin struggles, my defaults), and at the same time, know the Gospel. Aimee calls these people “trusted trespassers.” These are people who have permission to ask hard questions, to share timely truths that we may not want to hear, and that know how to speak Scripture to our hearts. These are people you intentionally invite to pray and fast with you, not after the decision has been made, but as you seek to make a decision. Ideally, these would be people of different backgrounds and life seasons.
Fiftly, you have providential circumstances as part of your decision making protocol. Put simply, do you sense God opening or closing a door? Have you been able to trace his guidance on what you feel he’s asking you to do? This doesn’t mean that every open door is the right one nor does it mean that it’s not God will to soon open a closed door after waiting. What we mean by providential circumstances is we can say with conviction, “God, it really seems from a circumstantial perspective, you’ve lined things up in this direction so I’m going to move forward with it in faith.”
Sixthly, we ask for peace from the Holy Spirit as we seek to make decisions. Feelings are not ultimate in any decision making process, but they can serve as a final piece to the puzzle. After the other pieces have been put in place, you can reflect and evaluate if moving forward with a certain decision gives you inner peace. You can evaluate whether or not you feel consolation in your decision? Consolation of the soul doesn't necessarily mean comfort or ease. Rather, it means you feel the Holy Spirit has given you resoluteness and assurance over what you feel he is leading you to next.
So if you’re into alliteration, you got your fix today. What are the pieces of the puzzle when it comes to decision-making? After understanding the gauges to your decision dashboard, what is a protocol you can follow to ensure you are traveling down the path of God’s will? 1) The pages of Scripture 2) Your passions, 3) The priorities of Gospel advancement 4) The people of God, 5) Providential circumstances, and 6) Peace from the Holy Spirit.