Should I Ask More Questions?

How often do you ask thoughtful questions?

Practicing asking good questions has been a growing side-quest of mine for a few years now. As someone who naturally over-shares personal information and is prone to giving unsolicited advice, I have realized how my pride is closely tied in the way I have conversations with others. I’ve realized the people who are the most humble conversationalists ask more questions, so I decided to follow their lead. I am still a novice at this side quest, but I am already seeing how asking more questions benefits so many aspects of my life and those around me. I hope to share a sliver of this insight with you.

Why ask more questions?

Have you ever left a conversation realizing you did more talking than listening? Or that you spent an hour with someone and actually learned very little about their life? As Christians longing to love our neighbor as ourselves, how can we start loving a neighbor well? By learning about their lives, their priorities, their needs, their beliefs. Coming from a familiarity with the person, we can serve them in a more timely and effective way. Our gentle curiosity sharpens our care. As we practice this, we will develop an underrated quality - self-forgetfulness. When standing in front of an image-bearer, we can focus less on ourselves, what we want to say, and what we’re feeling, because we care so much about the experience of another.

You can also ask yourself questions. Where does this pain come from? Where do these desires come from? Why is this my natural tendency? Introspection helps us identify the roots of our gifts, our burdens, and our sins. But be careful with introspection - we must ask our questions out of gentle objectivity. When our reflective questions get accusatory, it can spiral into shame. When they get too generous, we can spiral into self-obsession. We must hold in balance the value of self-reflection and the value of self-forgetfulness! 

Not only can we stand to learn more about ourselves and our neighbors, but we can also learn so much about the world around us! There is so much under the surface of our society, of the natural world, of the spiritual world that we will not know unless we think critically and curiously about the information we receive. Was there a time that you could’ve taken something at face value, but because you dove deeper, you learned something valuable? A desire for discovery will help us uncover the beauty around us (how does listening to bird sounds affect mental health?) or the dark underbelly of something ordinary or even beloved (who is actually making your clothes?). Building awareness of our world allows us to enjoy more wonderful things and sharpens our discernment towards the darkness around us.

Additionally, asking questions towards God is such a fruitful endeavor. God is faithful to answer our prayers - but not just our requests, our curiosities too. We can ask God anything and if we lay aside our expectations for His answer, we will always benefit from His faithful reply. Framing our prayers as questions helps us to exercise humility and reverence and it keeps us on the lookout for answers, whether through His Word or in His provision. Sometimes God will answer quicker than we expect, but do we set aside time to listen? Do our prayers sound more like emails or phone calls?

Of course, Jesus is the perfect example of asking great questions. He asked a total of 305 questions in the gospels. He asked prying questions, gentle questions, open-ended questions, challenging questions, hypothetical questions, and He even frequently answered questions with a question. As we become greater imitators of Christ, we will become greater question-askers. 

How should I start asking more questions?

Ask for insight. Whether you are talking to a person, taking in information, or reflecting on yourself, avoid settling for simple statements. Lead with curiosity before making assessments. The best place to start is “why?”.

Ask for advice. The same Holy Spirit that poured out onto the disciples in Acts is the one that lives in every believer. There is power in the Spirit’s discernment. Why would we make life decisions without leaning on this power? We can lean on this power through personal prayer and through the input of mature Christians. When we ask believers questions like “how should I think about…?” or “what does it mean to live out [insert scripture]?” we invite an opportunity to hear from the Holy Spirit that lives in them.

Ask God questions and then listen for His answer. Ask God your questions about scripture, about Himself, about life, about yourself, about the gospel. He has already given many answers in His word, it sometimes takes some diligence to find them (ask a friend for help!). I also believe God answers prayer through the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Next time you pray, take some time to not make any requests - just ask a question and try your best to eliminate distractions. God may direct your thoughts towards an answer! Be sure to test that answer against scripture - we can discern the difference between God’s voice and our own thoughts when we put them side-by-side with what God has already said. He will not contradict Himself.

There are many more benefits to asking questions and many more ways to do so. I hope that we become an inquisitive people - ones that know others, ourselves, the world, and God in greater depth than ever before.