More Than Waiting: The High Calling of Singleness

In popular Christian culture, singleness is often portrayed as a “stepping stone” into the next (and better) stage of life. It’s described as a time to prepare to someday be the perfect godly wife. It’s unspokenly this inferior status, for those who haven’t reached peak holiness. Once you reach some undefined level, then the Lord will bless you with a spouse and family. This is a disservice to singleness, and often leads individuals to wait, wait, and wait for the Lord to bring them their spouse, looking upon their married friends with envy all while holding the belief that the Lord is withholding good from them. Singleness, whether it is for a temporary season or a lifetime, is much more than waiting. It isn’t a punishment or a stepping stone. It isn’t inferior. Rather, both marriage and singleness are agents the Lord uses for his kingdom and his glory. For those of you who are single and desiring marriage, I want this blog to be an encouragement. The Lord bestows both marriage and singleness with purpose. You have a purpose and a calling, do not miss it being paralyzed by waiting. In this blog, I am first going to unpack why singleness should not be a waiting season, then why singleness is a high calling. 

Singleness ≠ Waiting Season

There are many things the Lord promises us in Scripture. He promises that he will not withhold good from those who walk uprightly (Psalm 84:11). He promises that one day, there will be no more tears, no more sorrow, and no more death (Rev. 21:4). He promises to never leave or forsake us (Heb. 13:5). He promises to provide for us (Matt. 6:27-33). He promises to give good things to those who ask (Matt. 7:11). The promises of God to his beloved children are numerous. Yet, he does not promise to provide marriage. There is nowhere in scripture where God explicitly promises that everyone who desires marriage will one day be married. Singleness should not be a waiting season because there is no certainty that those of us who are single will be married. 

That being said, I want to emphasize that marriage is a good thing and a good desire. If you desire marriage, you should unashamedly ask the Lord to provide that. But do so open-handedly, resting in what God does promise. He promises not to withhold good, he promises to provide, and he promises to give good things to those who ask. One thing to note is that we often think we know what is good for us. We pray for marriage, thinking that must be what is good for us. Marriage is a good thing but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is a good thing for you, now or ever. 

“If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in Heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11) 

With certainty, I can say that if marriage is a good gift for you then your Father in Heaven will at some point, answer that prayer with a yes. But I can also say, if not, then it will be answered with a no. The reality is, we do not always know if what we desire is a good gift or a bad gift. But whether his answer is yes, or no, or later, we know that it is undoubtedly good. We pray for the desires of our heart trusting that our Heavenly Father who does know what is a good gift, will give good things to those who ask. 

The High Calling of Singleness

For those of us who have been “chronically single”, we have heard the “singleness is a gift” adage repeatedly. It's the go-to encouragement to the single friend. Albeit it can be overused, it is true. Oftentimes we latch onto the “singleness is a gift” part but overlook Paul’s explanation as to why singleness is a gift, which he describes in the verses following the popular verse where he refers to singleness (and marriage) as a gift. 

“The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35, emphasis added.)   

According to Paul, singleness is a gift because it allows undivided devotion to the Lord, in a way marriage does not. Hear me when I say both the married and the unmarried are called to be devoted to the Lord, and to pursue holiness in body and spirit. But the married are also devoted to their spouse and family. This isn’t a dig on those who are married, those who are married should be devoted to their spouse and family. But for those who are single, they have more “freedom” in their servitude to the Lord, for they have no other devotions. 

In singleness, we have the unique opportunity to have undivided devotion to the Lord. The key word here is opportunity. Being single doesn’t automatically mean we are undividedly devoted to the Lord. You can be single and devoted to the idea of marriage. You can waste your life, waiting for an uncertain future, rather than utilizing the gifts the Lord has given you- singleness being one example. 

There is a freedom of responsibility that comes with singleness that opens a freedom of opportunity to serve the Lord. The unmarried twenty-two year old who is only responsible for herself, has the freedom to move to Boston for the sole purpose of serving the Lord, in a way, a married twenty-two year old mother may not. The unmarried can move anywhere and do almost anything, for the mission of the Lord, most times without much of a second thought. This is a reality that is unique to the single. And it is not just a gift, but a high calling. 

This has implications for those who believe they are called to singleness for their lifetime, as well as those who are single for a season. For those confident that this is their calling, embrace it. Singleness is not a bad desire; it is a good desire and offers a freedom to serve the Lord that you should embrace. For those desiring marriage, recognize the unique gift that singleness provides. If you are to be single only for a season, be intentional and use your freedom from responsibility for the glory of God and for the kingdom of God. Don’t waste the unique opportunity given to boldly and sacrificially serve the Lord, waiting for marriage. Whatever boat you are in, single or married, the Lord has given you a good gift. He is not withholding good, don’t let the lie of the enemy that good is yet to come, prevent you from tasting and seeing the Lord's goodness in the season you are in.