What's the Difference? Sinful Jealousy vs. Holy Jealousy
Typically, we hear the word ‘jealous’ and we think that is automatically wrong. It’s not. There is a right kind of jealousy and a wrong kind—what we’re calling a holy jealousy and a sinful jealousy.
Biblically, we see this. On one hand, James writes in 3:16, “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” And on the other hand Paul writes to the church at Corinth in his 2nd letter 11:1-4, “For I feel a divine jealousy…” Paul has a godly protectiveness over this church, and it’s not worldly or fleshly but God induced. So, we see in Scripture the categories in front of us. Not to mention, God describes himself as a jealous God. So what’s the difference?
Jealousy, at the root, rises in the heart when you sense the affections of someone else are misplaced or misdirected. The affections of another are being spent on someone else when you feel you deserve them. This is what makes jealousy and envy slightly different. They’re similar and can sometimes go hand in hand, but more often than not, envy is a feeling of resentment because someone has what you wish you had. This something could be the promotion you thought you deserved that someone else got instead of you; this something could be a new gadget someone has that you wish you had the money to buy. But jealousy, at the root, is about affections you perceive aren’t being spent on you that you think you deserve.
Hear are two examples in Scripture:
Joseph was one of twelve brothers. His father, Jacob, loved him deeply and showed him favor by making for him a coat of many colors. Joseph had even had a dream that there would come a day where his brothers and even his parents would bow down to him. In Genesis 37:11, we are told that his brothers were jealous of him. Why were they jealous? The feeling of jealousy rose in their hearts because they felt this special status Joseph had with their father belonged to them.
Or consider Acts 5 to give another example. The apostles are performing many signs and wonders in Jerusalem and surrounding towns. People who are afflicted and diseased and getting healed. It’s a joyous occasion. God is working powerfully through the apostles. Most are happy, but not everyone. Who is not? The high priest and the Sadduccess, the religious leaders. You learn why in verses 17:
17 But the high priest rose up, and all who were with him (that is, the party of the Sadducees), and filled with jealousy…
What’s going on here? The religious leaders are losing admiration and respect in the eyes of the people. It’s moving away from them and onto Jesus because of what God is doing through his followers. The affections the religious leaders so badly crave from the people are now being spent on another and this leaves them jealous.
What we have in these examples is sinful jealousy. How do you know? Well, we can look at the behavioral fruit it leads to for one–Joseph’s brothers enslave him and the Sadducees want to kill the apostles. These kind of feelings aren’t good or healthy or God-glorifying. When jealousy blossoms within the heart because, at the root, what you have is fear or pride or insecurity or a lack of trust in God, you can be sure it’s sinful jealousy. What are some examples?
Say a mom gets jealous because her son is desirous towards a girl he’s marrying. The mom used to be the person the son came to with concerns and doubts and excitements. Now, she’s seeing her son slowly turn to his fiance. The mom feels insecure about this transition that is good and natural and right, and so she becomes jealous of this woman.
Say a boyfriend becomes jealous because his partner enjoys spending time with other girlfriends. He’s upset because he likes being made much of; he likes being the center of attention and doesn’t like when he can’t be as a result of her hanging out with other people.
So what’s at the root of sinful jealousy? Fear, pride, insecurity, an inappropriate neediness, and a lack of trust in God.
What about holy jealousy? It’s worth noting that God calls himself a jealous God. In the Ten Commandments, Israel is told not to bow down to idols because the Lord is a jealous God (Exodus 20:5). Oprah couldn’t conceive of a God who was jealous; this became a breaking point and led to her leaving the church. She couldn’t conceive of a God who was insecure and needy. Where she went wrong was failing to understand the difference between sinful and holy jealousy.
Good jealousy or holy jealousy is the desire to receive affections that actually do belong to you or to have displeasure when these affections that do rightly belong to you are spent elsewhere. If a wife is being flirtatious with another guy who is not her husband, she is giving away romantic interest and attention that rightly belongs to the husband. It is good and right for the husband to feel jealousy in this regard. That sort of flirtatiousness doesn’t belong to that stranger. Now it must be said this is no excuse for a husband, in response, to be controlling or domineering.
At the heart of God’s jealousy is his desire that our affections be rightly placed. Our affections should not be spent elsewhere. They belong to God. He has made us. We belong to him. They should not be wasted on created things but rather directed towards our Creator. The good news of God’s jealousy is that his desire to uphold him rightly in our hearts with our affections is for our greatest good. Let me give an example:
If I’ve said to my girls since they were little that dad is going to take care of them, that dad will always be there for them, that dad will find a way that their needs are met, that dad would take a bullet for them, that dad will make sure they know they are the most beautiful girls in the world–then say some teenage guy who’s been unfaithful to all of his exes, who has been convicted of crimes, who lies and manipulates somehow gets the attention of one of my girl’s heart - what’s my response? I’m going to be a jealous dad - why? Because on one hand, my daughter has taken my love and affection and promise and trustworthiness and thrown it away. But also because I know this ‘lil kid’ is ultimately going to hurt her. It’s loving for me to feel this way. You would probably think something is wrong if my reaction was, “Oh well, maybe I’ll see her in a few years. I wish her well.” No! Because she has failed to take my trustworthiness and affection and faithfulness to heart, she has made little of me and put herself in danger. Jealousy rises up in God’s heart when we make little of him, because when we make little of him, that’s when we are in the most danger because he knows we’re enthralled by something that will ultimately hurt us.
J.I. Packer puts God’s jealousy this way in his book, Knowing God:
“God's jealousy is not a compound of frustration, envy, and spite, as human jealousy so often is, but appears instead as praiseworthy zeal to preserve something supremely precious”
Exegetically, we see this in Scripture. The word ζήλῳ (zelo) can be translated jealousy or zeal. For example, it’s translated jealousy in 1 Corinthians 3:3 when Paul is warning the church against things that could cause divisions within it; however, when Jesus flips over tables in the Temple because they’ve turned the Temple from a place of worship into a place of trade, it’s translated zeal, “Zeal for your house will consume me” in John 2:17.
When jealousy, at the root, is motivated by a desire to preserve something supremely precious, it is loving–like a husband who feels jealous towards a wife’s emotional wanderings because he senses the supremely precious covenant of marriage is being jeopardized. This kind of jealousy is not selfish. It is healthy and holy.