Lord of Lament: The Beauty of Crying out to God
“How are you doing?” A common question we ask people everyday. The go-to answer is typically, “Good, how are you?”. Yet if we’re honest, so many of us are walking through grief, hardship, and pain. Confused on how we got to where we’re at, or why God is allowing the reality that we’re currently walking in when we’ve pleaded with Him to take it away. So what do we do with the depths of turmoil and uncertainty swirling in our hearts and minds? How do we persevere forward when sometimes the suffering chokes us and feels all-encompassing? Is God even listening to us in the times when He feels most silent?
Oftentimes, we’re told to just hope in Christ, look to eternity, and have joy in every circumstance. While these statements are true, and often well-intentioned, when we rush to this we often make those we’re trying to encourage left feeling even more defeated. We miss the raw beauty and comfort of lament. Far too often in the church, this practice is forgotten or neglected. Yet if lamenting makes up one third of the book of Psalms, the book of Lamentations exists, and there is so much grief in the Bible, this must be something God wants us to wrestle with. So how do we even lament? Mark Vroegop, author of Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, gives four helpful steps. Turn, complain, ask, and trust. Vroegop states, “Lament is rooted in what we believe. It is a prayer loaded with theology. Christians affirm that the world is broken, God is powerful, and he will be faithful. Therefore, lament stands in the gap between pain and promise” (26). For the purpose of helping provide an example of biblical lamenting, we’ll use Psalm 13.
Turn
Personally, when I face hardship, I am prone to run. I want to escape it as much as possible. To tune it out and just be left alone with myself. In the most difficult times, if I could just curl up into a ball and hide from everyone, including God, I would. Replaying moments or conversations in my head, wondering why God would let this happen. Yet this is just the response of my flesh and what feels easier, even though this gets me nowhere. When I give in to this, I am left feeling more like I’m in a pit than ever. Yet if we look to the Psalms, we see that even amidst David’s grief, he doesn’t turn from God, but towards God. He doesn’t just say, “How long will this go on? He says, “How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?” (vs. 1) He does not just talk to himself, He talks to God. I know this is not easy, but if we want to find true comfort, we must lean into the only one who can truly provide it.
Complain
Complain to God? Isn’t that wrong? This can be a common feeling we have when faced with the darkest parts of our lives. Shouldn’t we only praise the Lord and thank Him for things? Yet it is clear in Scripture that we are called to bring our whole heart to the Lord. This includes our grief, pain, and confusion. I am not condoning cursing God or being angry at Him, (He is still worthy of reverence in all circumstances) but instead, tell Him what is causing the hurt in your heart. Psalm 13:1-2 David cries out and complains, asking four times how long he’ll have to wait. How long will God forget him? How long will God hide from him? How long will he be left to take counsel in himself? How long will his enemies be exalted? David is familiar with the promises of God and His character. Biblical complaining knows who God is, but feels doubtful that He is actually working. I remember I had an important yet difficult conversation coming up with someone and I prayed for days that the Lord would provide me His wisdom and that we’d be unified in the conversation. Yet the day came and I still felt so uncertain on how to move forward. The conversation didn’t go well, and I was left hurt and confused. I spent so much time in prayer, yet it felt as if God was silent and nowhere to be found. Perhaps you have felt similar. God has felt distant and maybe even downright cruel in how He has allowed your life to go. Another miscarriage, another year without a loved one you lost, another job application denied, another day that your anxiety and depression have been crippling. This is such a pivotal point in your faith, dear friend. You can turn to anger, perhaps to the point of even abandoning your faith. You can turn to denial, acting as if the situation is not as bad as it seems, living with the feeling of your life being a lie because of how you are masking your true heart. Or you can turn to God and complain. Giving him every honest part of you, clinging to the truth of who God is and how it feels as if He is not acting in that way. This path may feel like the most difficult to bear, but leads forward to the gift of grace when we draw near to the throne of God. Two caveats to mention: You must come to God with your complaints AND a humble heart. Come to God with your pain, not pride. If we approach God in pride, we will not experience the full reality of lamenting. Even though it may not feel like God is living up to His character, we know that He is. We must keep this in mind while we lament. Secondly, bring all your complaints to the Lord, but do not stay there. If we end the lament process at complaint, we miss out on the hope of the Gospel. We miss out the healing and comfort God offers us on the other side. Instead, we must press on, and ask God boldly.
Ask Boldly
In Psalm 13, after David turns and complains to the Lord, he calls out and asks God to consider him, “Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, ‘I have prevailed over him,’ lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken” David asks boldly for God to act according to His character. God has promised to be with you, so ask boldly that He shows Himself to you. God promises to be your strength, so ask boldly for Him to strengthen you when it feels like you are too weak to carry on. God promises you peace that surpasses all understanding, so ask boldly for Him to overwhelm you with His peace like only He can. God is honored when you do this. This is a form of worship. You are recounting what God has said in His word, and speaking this truth over the brokenness of your situation. God is not surprised by your struggles, but wants to meet you in them and show you Himself. So ask Him to. It may take longer than you expect to see the answer, but I promise that the Lord will always uphold His character and promises. If you trust He will keep His word to save you, then you can trust every other word of His as well.
Trust
After everything David has said in his turning, complaining, and asking boldly, he trusts in the Lord. Psalm 13:5-6 says, “But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me”. David proclaims this even amidst not having an answer or his situation changed. Trusting God is a choice. Sometimes not an easy one, but always a necessary one. I love the verse Mark 9:24 where Jesus asks a man whose son was demon possessed if he believed in Jesus’ power. To which the man replies, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Even if this is all you can muster, I encourage you to pray something similar. Perhaps something along the lines of, “God, how long will you not answer me? How long will it feel as though you are silent? You have promised to be near and guide me, but it feels as if you are not. So please, hear my cry and answer me. But even while I wait, I know and trust that you are still good. There are ways that I don’t trust you, Lord, but help me to trust you more even when I don’t understand”. This does not have to be perfect, and it will take some time for this to feel more normal, but continue to press on.
I truly believe that genuine lament that turns you to God, humbly complaining to Him, asking boldly for His promises to be held, and trusting Him in the process alway leads to a deeper comfort and assurance of the Lord even while in your pain. It is only through lament that we see the path to praise and joy in the midst of sorrow. Any other route leads to confusion, bitterness, apathy, anger, and dishonesty. So I ask you today: Please turn, complain, ask, and trust.
You are so loved. God sees you. There is a purpose to your pain. One day, God will redeem all things, even this. Until then, we wait, lament, and see the hand of God as we come to Him. If you would like someone to walk through this process of lamenting with you, feel free to reach out to a friend, Life Group leader, or myself. This is the beauty of the church and what we are here for as we bear one another’s burdens. Lament again and again and again while you wait expectantly for God to reveal Himself. In the meantime, there are deep pools of God’s mercy and grace waiting for you as you lean into the worshipful act of lament.
Further resources + Encouragement:
Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop
