Trusting God When Your Body Fails You

It was 3:30 in the morning. I woke up with a sharp pain in my abdomen. I was concerned as I hadn’t been woken up in the middle of the night by pain like that before. Yet the pain quickly subsided and so I went back to sleep, thinking that everything was okay. I woke up the next morning, still somewhat in pain, but nothing compared to the night before. Yet I couldn’t shake the fact that something felt off, and so after talking to a friend who’s a nurse, I decided to go to the ER. Five hours later, I found out that I had appendicitis. Four hours after that, I was undergoing an appendectomy. Those fourteen hours were a whirlwind, and the recovery since has also been a process. Including not feeling like myself with the pain medications, and needing a second trip to the ER due to some recovery complications. I would consider myself a fairly healthy mid-twenties young woman, so I am not typically confronted with that level of health concerns. Yet at some point in our lives, we are all confronted with the realities of living in a broken world. This does not just affect the spiritual realities of our souls, but the physical aspect of our lives as well. Because we live in a world tainted by sin, all of us will experience our bodies failing us. I know that there are people that suffer far greater than others. Some face chronic illness, cancer, pregnancy difficulties, the loss of the ability to walk, feeling not in control of their own mind, and so much more. I know in the grand scheme of things, losing an appendix is comparatively small. Yet I hope what God has taught me/is currently teaching me as I recover will be an encouragement to you knowing that in any circumstance, He is the same God. So how do we wrestle with trusting in God when our bodies fail us?

We Must Set Our Gaze on the Character of God

Due to a miscommunication with the nurse and doctor, I ate after I had my CT scan. The doctor then informed me that I would have to wait eight hours before they could perform surgery on me. However, three hours into my wait I was woken up from a nap and told that the anesthesiologists cleared me for surgery. Instead of five more hours, I would undergo my appendectomy within an hour. Additionally, since I struggle with asthma, they said that there was a chance that I would wake up in the ICU with a breathing tube down my throat if I had a severe asthma attack during my surgery. Talk about a rude awakening. Prior to my nap, I continued my study that I am doing through the Psalms, and the Psalm for that day was Psalm 46. It opens by saying, 

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her when the morning dawns.”

 I felt overwhelmed by the rapid change of situations, and the fear of the unknown. What would my state be when I woke up? It was a fairly common surgery, but what if something went wrong? What would recovery look like? I was supposed to be a maid of honor in a wedding a week and a half after the surgery, and the week after that be on a mission trip in Japan. With all these fears swirling in my head, the only thing that was steady that I could cling to was the character of God. As I was entering the operating room, no one could enter with me except the Lord. He alone promised to be my refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble. Friend, I do not know the depths of fear, uncertainty, or pain that you are facing, or will face one day. However, I can promise you that our God does know. Not only does He know, but He is sovereign over all. As the surgeon was answering my questions, I asked if I would still be cleared to fly to Japan in a few weeks. Through our conversation, I found out that she was not only a faithful believer, but had recently visited a church from the same network of churches I am planning to serve at in Japan. Although God did not have to let that be the surgeon I met, in His kindness and sovereignty, He let that be a source of comfort. I can with confidence promise you that this is the same God who is with you in your difficulty. When your heart is prone to fear, set your gaze on the character of God and look nowhere else. He alone can provide you the security and peace your heart is longing for.

Difficulty and Trust Can Co-Exist

I think an important caveat in this conversation is the presence of grief, sorrow, and fear. It can be easy to act as if the Christian life is filled with no grief, sorrow, or fear. That once we set our gaze on Christ, all else melts away and we’re fine. Yet the reality is that we are broken human beings living in a broken world. The Sunday after I had my appendectomy, I was having some recovery complications, and so I had to go back to the ER. As I sat in the ER, I was filled with dread. I thought I was done with the hospital and didn’t have to go back. In complete honesty, for a bit there I kinda felt a little hysterical. All I could do was ask my friend to read me Psalm 46 and 56. I couldn’t trust my own thoughts otherwise. I would have spiraled on my fearful thoughts, yet having the Scripture fill my mind calmed my heart and mind as I continued to cry out to the Lord and ask for relief. Psalm 103:13-14 tells us that,

“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those 

who fear him. For he knows our frame, he remembers that we are but dust”.

God does not expect us to be perfect in this world. He has compassion on our weaknesses and where we fail to believe the truth of who He is. While it is true that fear of this life exists where fear of the Lord does not, that does not necessarily mean that faith in God is not there. I often pray the statement of the father in Mark 9:24 that said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”. This is where the wrestling comes in. In these moments we can feel as if God has abandoned us, chosen not to help us, or doesn’t understand why the situation we’re in is so bad for us. Yet we must ground ourselves in truth. We can be encouraged as so many of the psalms are David crying out in sorrow, grief, and fear. In Psalm 42 he states,

“I say to God, my rock: ‘Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?’ As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, ‘Where is your God?’ Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God”.

The Lord does not want you to feel like you have to have it altogether. Instead, He wants you to come to Him and cry out. There is nothing more that Satan would want for you than to despair and question who God is. He would hope that you would turn away from God out of fear, pain, and confusion. That your wrestling with your current situation and God would lead you to run away from the Lord. Yet I encourage you to recognize your situation as God’s grace to you. I do not intend to sound insensitive and want you to have a “suck it up, buttercup” attitude. Whatever you are going through or will go through is probably very hard. It might also be a very long time, perhaps your whole life that you deal with this. But what I do encourage you to do is to ask the Lord to help you change your perspective. I’d encourage you to pray something along the lines of, 

“Lord, I honestly do not like this plan. If I had it my way, [insert situation here] would not be happening right now. Yet I know that your word promises that you are sovereign, good, and all-powerful. Even if you do not show me why you let this happen to me, please help me to see your grace and love in the midst of it. Change my perspective to align with yours. Help me to understand how you are gracious to me even in the midst of my suffering. Please let my mind be ruled by the truth of [insert scripture here] and how you are [insert God’s character here]. I believe these truths about you, Lord. But please, help me in my unbelief. Amen”.

I also want to remind you that we do not have a far off God who does not understand. Our God came down as flesh Himself. He has walked this broken life too. He was beaten and nailed to a cross. He has felt the greatest pain of His body failing Him, to the point of even death. Yet He did not stay dead, but raised again three days later. This is why He is able to understand and sympathize with us. Hebrews 4:15 says,

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need”.

Jesus was tempted in every way to despair and turn from His Father. In the Garden of Gethsemane He wrestled with God’s plan and asked for the cup to be passed from His lips if there was any way. Yet ultimately, He was led to submission and trust in God’s plan. So friend, it is okay to wrestle. But may we ultimately say in the areas that we don’t understand, that we will still trust the Lord. 

We Long with Great Assurance of Perfect Bodies to Come

While this experience has taught me a lot, I know this season of my body failing me will last only three to five more weeks. After that, my life will pretty much go back to normal. Yet for some of you, the realities of a failing body or mind will last a lifetime. These things that I have mentioned about having to wrestle and set our gaze on who God is will not just be a one and done situation. For many people, this is a constant battle that they face until their final breath. And that is something I know is far different from what I have suffered. Yet at some point, all of us will be confronted with death. The broken bodies we have been entrusted with will be no more. Instead, we will finally get to experience just how God truly intended for our bodies to be. Perfect, whole, and glorified. So I encourage you today, do not lose heart. May you cling to the truth of Philippians 3:20-21,

“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself”.

For those in Christ, we will all one day be made new. In Heaven, worshipping and enjoying our glorious Savior for all eternity. So while we ache in this current life, let us find rest in Christ during the waiting, and long for our glorious future to come.

(For those who would like more resources, I would recommend listening to Joni Erickson Tada, Katherine Wolf, and What God Has to Say About Our Bodies by Sam Allberry).