How to Guard Spiritual Fervency in Life’s Busiest Seasons?
The rabbit in Alice in Wonderland strikes a chord with me, and maybe it does with you too. At the church I pastor, we have a growing number of professionals getting married and families having children. And when you have a spouse or children, life is undoubtedly joyful, but in many ways, it’s both harder and busier. It’s busier because you have more details to figure out, more communication that needs to happen, and more hearts to care for. It’s harder because the more people that live in one house, the more sin you have to navigate and conflict you must work through–including in yourself. Like the rabbit, you’re always on the go. You feel stretched beyond your means and pushed beyond your limits. Consequently, you feel physically tired and behind when it comes to spiritual pursuits.
How might we regain a sense of spiritual enthusiasm and fervor? Of course, we are to explore all means of grace at our disposal. There is no substitute for Bible reading and prayer. But surprisingly, the answer might be less private and more communal than you expect. Could it be that spiritual fervor is not only fueled by private devotion, but also by shared life with God’s people? I’d like to offer four resolutions that, if you pursue them, will play a significant role in increasing your spiritual vitality.
1. Vulnerability Over Projection
When you have a spouse, and especially when you have kids, your weaknesses are magnified. You instantly see how your mistakes affect others in significant ways. Desiring to shield our deficiencies, we choose not to divulge information that we think could be used to shatter the image we project to the public. We fear what people think. Our friends might begin comparing, or worse, making judgments on our competency as a spouse or parent. Sadly, we hide.
But what good can grow in darkness? Our souls are like plants without light–they wither. Paul instructed us to “bear each other’s burdens” (Gal. 6:2) because the sin and shortcomings we are battling are meant to be shouldered not by an individual, but by a community. It’s only in the light where our shortcomings can experience the rays of encouragement, exhortation, and prayer from others—–all things that lighten the load. Resolve: I will choose honesty within my community.
2. Connection Over Isolation
If you’re like me, you might have thought your spouse would function like a Swiss Army knife. Whereas in your season of singleness, you had one friend who functioned like a screwdriver, another like scissors, and another like a knife, but when you found your partner, surely they would be all of that combined and more. Of course, that was unrealistic. We still need a variety of friendships, even in marriage. In other words, our friendships shouldn’t diminish because we’ve gotten married or because we have kids. We can’t forget that the local church God has placed us in is a treasure of wisdom that we don’t want to shut ourselves off from. While our spouses will likely be our closest advisor and even our most trusted advisor, they shouldn’t be our sole advisor. Even while writing this, our family is considering major decisions, such as foster care and homeschooling. In both the mundane and meaningful decisions, I’m thankful for the ecosystem of friends and mentors that can help provide insight and feedback.
But I also want godly influences for my kids. One of the greatest blessings for us as a family has been the young women who serve as our children’s ‘aunts.’ They’ll take our kids out on adventures throughout the week, and even now, our kids will share more with them than at home. What this has taught me is that I need a spiritual roster that extends beyond me and my wife. The same truths spoken by a number of voices have a cumulative effect on the soul.
If we want to invite both wisdom and influence into our lives, both contributing to spiritual fervency, we must avoid drifting onto a relational island by popping the nuclear family bubble as we aim to deepen the connections we have within our local church. Resolve: I will prioritize life-giving relationships for myself and my family.
3. Commitment Over Convenience
Sunday mornings feel like an Olympic marathon when you’re getting the kids ready. Small groups seem like a disruption when they mess with your children’s bedtime schedules. The temptation is real to look for excuses to justify backing out. A little sneeze from a child gives you all the ammunition you need to cancel lunch planned with a friend because you feel like they “may be coming down with something.” We’ve all been there.
But consider this. Likely, there are days when working out is the last thing you want to do, yet you know you will leave the gym healthier than when you walked in. So it is when we honor our commitments to church members through our faithful presence, even though at times it can be costly. Often, the very moments we are most tempted to withdraw are the moments God uses to awaken and strengthen our hearts. When you choose to show up, not only are you modeling to the rest of the church what putting Jesus first in your family looks like practically, you’re placing yourself in a position where you can be nourished spiritually. Resolve: I will do the hard thing when the hard thing is the faithful thing.
4. Intersections Over Additions
A major question you might be asking is, “But how do I make time for this? I already feel spread thin.” Instead of adding to your already full schedule, think about overlapping these relational connections with other commitments. Grocery shopping does not have to be a solo affair and neither does working out. If you have a child’s soccer game to attend, invite a friend from church to join. Within our church, there is an ongoing text thread where remote workers can link up at local coffee shops for the day as they mingle work and fellowship. Resolve: I will include others in what I’m already doing.
His Fire to Keep
These resolutions are ways of fighting against complacency and spiritual drift. But also remember that our hope is not in the strength of our resolutions but in the certainty of His faithfulness. A smoldering wick He will not put out. A bruised reed He will not break (Isa. 42:3). In whatever season you find yourself in, God will meet you in the margins you have. Fight on to fan the flame of spiritual fervor, but also know that this fire is God’s to keep. He is also fighting for you.